


A Passion of the Prideful Soul

by cienna



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Humor, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Yuletide 2011
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cienna/pseuds/cienna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gilbert has been having horrible nightmares and Break decides that he needs a distraction. Much alcohol is involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Passion of the Prideful Soul

**Author's Note:**

  * For [koanju (verstehen)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/verstehen/gifts).



> Thanks so much to Reppu for the extremely last minute beta!

Gil shakes himself awake still reeling from the dream. It had all been so vivid. His Master falling farther and farther down into the gaping, bottomless Abyss. Gil reaches for him, fingers just barely brushing Oz’s hair before he disappears. And that is the least painful part of the dream. The moments he sees afterwards are unspeakable horrors; Oz being tortured, his body torn apart, that bright light that has always attracted everyone around him snuffed out completely.

Gil runs a hand shakily through his hair, not wanting to remember anymore. He takes deep breaths, trying to think of other things, of happy times when he and Oz and Ada were young and innocent and he was constantly busy trying to keep them out of trouble. He purposefully doesn’t think of his life now, his work with Pandora, or his betrayal of Oz’s memory by joining the Nightray family. What would Oz think of him now? The thought gives him a sick feeling and he gives up on the idea of sleep completely.

Pushing back the covers he grabs his pack of cigarettes from the side table and heads outside in the hopes of calming his mind. It’s been bad lately. He’d thought that he could distract himself with work and training and his duties to the Nightray family, but every time he closes his eyes his mind goes back to that moment. A moment he didn’t even witness, but can’t seem to forget. But the worst are the thoughts of what Oz must be going through every second that he’s in the Abyss. The dreams Gil has been enduring are nothing in comparison. It just makes him more determined to do whatever he has to so that he can bring his master back safely.

He heads out to the large balcony near his room in Pandora and breathes the chilly night air in deeply. Already his head is clearing, thoughts of Oz locked away in the tiny portion of his mind that he refuses to access when awake. To acknowledge those thoughts means to risk his own life and the lives of others when he is working to take down illegal contractors. He must stay focused at all times if he is to bring back Oz alive.

He is just pulling a cigarette out of his pack and getting ready to light it when a voice out of nowhere makes him jump, nearly causing him to burn himself. Break is lurking in the doorway, holding a cup of something that looks rather more alcoholic than his usual tea and carrying that ridiculous doll on his shoulder as always. He has a familiar smirk on his face.

“Can’t sleep again, Gilbert? More inappropriate dreams about your beloved Master?”

Gil hates it that he can’t stop his cheeks from flushing. “That’s none of your business. And you shouldn’t talk about him that way!” He feels the anger building and forces it back down. Break’s comments always seem to be designed to make him as uncomfortable as possible. He should really be able to deal with it by now.

“This has been happening quite a lot lately, Gilbert dear.” Break walks over to the edge of the balcony and leans forward so that he is right up in Gil’s face. Then as Gil instinctively begins backing away Break pulls out a lollipop out from one of his pockets. “Emily asked me to give you this. She thought it might make you feel better. We can’t help but notice that you’ve seemed a bit stressed lately.”

Gil sighs and pushes the lollipop away, “I’m not a child anymore, Break.” He manages to pull away and takes a few steps back, leaning against the balcony rail.

Break looks taken aback for a moment, but then gives him an appreciative look and smiles, “Then perhaps something a bit stronger?” He motions to his cup and pulls out a silver flask from yet another hidden pocket, offering it to Gil.

Gil eyes the flask warily and then asks, “What is it?”

“Just a little something homemade. I like to call it my special brew,” Break answers with a sly grin. “It’s extremely useful when you need to relax.”

“I’ll pass, thanks,” Gil says. “You know we have work to do tomorrow. We have responsibilities.” The chain that they’re after is a particularly vicious one that seems to be very interested in small children, at least based on the disappearances they’ve been hearing about. Cases with small children make Gil uneasy for reasons he doesn’t like to think about, especially when they also have to deal with panic-stricken parents.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Break says, as he takes another careful sip of his drink. “We won’t be leaving until the evening so you’ll have plenty of time to recover. And this brew doesn’t give you much of a hangover anyway.”

Gil looks at the drink dubiously, but takes the flask when Break pushes it at him. “You know, the fact that you made this just makes me want to drink it even less.”

Break frowns. “That wounds me, Gilbert! Still not trusting me after all this time.” He shakes his head sadly. “Emily and I are offended.”

Gil feels vaguely guilty and then kicks himself mentally for letting Break’s antics get to him. “I’ll try a sip, but that’s it.” He accepts the offered flask and takes a tentative sip. The drink has a fruity sweet flavour that seems to warm him all over as it spreads through his body. He takes another less hesitant drink. “This isn’t too bad, actually.”

“See, I told you!” Break takes the flask back from him and refills his own cup. “You really need to loosen up, Gilbert.”

“I’m fine the way I am,” he says and holds his hand out for the flask which Break gives back to him happily.

“The fact that you’re out here at this time of night says otherwise.” Break gives him a knowing look. “This has been happening a lot lately, hasn’t it?”

Break’s words cause a flash of the vision in the nightmare to come back to him. Oz’s body covered with blood, his eyes closed, his face expressionless. He shakes it away and takes another drink from the flask as the image fades. The drink tastes even better this time and as its warmth spreads his entire body seems to gradually become numb. He welcomes the sensation.

“I don’t want to talk about this, Break.” Gil turns to look over the rail of the balcony, not wanting to meet Break’s eyes.

“You’re awfully devoted to that silly boy, Gilbert. Did you ever stop and think about why?” Break manages to maneuver the flask out of Gil’s hand and pour himself another drink. “It’s not exactly normal for someone to care about their employer to the extent that they would sacrifice everything for them.”

“Oz wasn’t just an employer; he was my friend. And I haven’t sacrificed everything. My life is nothing compared to what he is going through.” Gil’s words are shaky and he feels a disturbing lump in his throat. This is why he doesn’t like to talk about Oz. His feelings on the subject are distressingly close to the surface.

Break laughs, a bitter sound. “You’re telling me you enjoy being part of the Nightray family? That you’re happy with the way things have ended up?”

“Of course not.” The day that Gil had agreed to join the Nightray family and become Break’s spy was one of the worst of his life. He had been devastated about Oz; and to even think about leaving Uncle Oscar and the Vessalius family and joining the family of Oz’s worst enemies was like the ultimate betrayal of his master’s memory. But he had had no choice. Even now he would do it again; he would do anything to make sure that his master was safe. To retrieve him from the hell he had been put in. “I wish I could have stayed with Oz. But things didn’t turn out that way,” Gil says softly. He’s glad he doesn’t have to meet Break’s eyes.

“You’re such a sap when drunk, Gilbert. This is supposed to make you feel better!” Break laughs, but at the same time Gil feels a soft touch on his shoulder. He can’t help leaning into the touch a bit, then catches himself and pulls away.

“I am not! Now where’d that flask go?” Gil stumbles forward and attempts to search Break’s pockets. He can't seem to find the flask anywhere, and curses in irritation. Break catches his hand and he pauses, not sure why exactly his hands are suddenly beneath Break's coat, lingering against his waist. As quickly as he had paused he jerks himself away, breathing heavily. He can feel his cheeks reddening again and can't quite meet Break's eyes, sure that Break is laughing at him. Break's face is actually quite serious, when Gil finally manages to make himself look.

"Dear, dear, Gilbert. If you had wanted me to remove my clothing you should have just asked," he says. Break's face is entirely innocent and Gil groans in frustration.

"I was just looking for the booze, you, you… mad… tea obsessed man..." Gil's voice trails off as he is unable to find a suitable insult.

"You mean this?" Break points at the flask which now seems to be tucked into his belt in a place that Gil is sure he searched before when his hands were getting a bit too intimate with Break's body. "You're welcome to it, if you want to come and get it."

Gil's sure his face can't get any redder and he can't seem to find a suitable response. Just seems to stammer and stammer as he stares at the flask, in its place just above Break's crotch. He's spared a response when Break starts laughing hysterically.

"You are entirely too hilarious when you're drunk! I don't know why we didn't do this ages ago." Break pulls the flask from his belt and tosses it in Gil's direction.

Gil just barely manages to catch it and then glares at it in irritation. There's no way this is regular alcohol. He's only had a few sips for fuck's sake! Break notices his look and responds, "I admit, it may be a bit more potent than usual. I got tired of the usual stuff. It just doesn't have the same effect on me anymore."

"Just because you're a raging alcoholic doesn't mean you should inflict your insanely potent creation on others!" Gil shouts. He's had more than enough of Break for one night. "I'm going back to bed!"

Break frowns, "Oh, but we were having such fun! It's not my fault you're a lightweight!" He steps closer, back into Gil's personal space; so close that Gil can feel Break's breath against his own cheek. Gil freezes and then realizes that Break’s hand is touching his own lightly. It lingers and for a moment Gil thinks that it's going to move lower, but then Break's hand moves to the flask and pulls it back toward him. Gil releases it without a word, seemingly frozen in place. Break leans forward so that his lips are almost touching Gil’s ear. “Were you hoping I was looking for something else? Something a good deal smaller?” More laughter and Gil turns angrily away, fuming. Why did he ever think this was a good idea? He yanks the flask back and takes an angry swig.

****

Three hours later the flask is mostly empty and the sun is starting to rise in shades of orange and pink over the horizon. Gil is completely plastered, and has resorted to singing songs from his childhood, while Break, the bastard, still seems completely sober in comparison. Or at least no drunker than usual. Somehow Gil has lost his shoes, Break has wrapped him in his own coat, and Emily has her own little cup with the remaining alcohol in it. Break had insisted on it, saying that it wasn't polite of them to drink it all without sharing.

Gil can't stop laughing. The whole balcony is spinning and he can't seem to focus on Break's face. For some reason he reaches out to brush back Break's hair and is startled when he sees the empty eye socket. "That must have hurt," he says softly. And for a moment all he can think about is how horribly sad it is that Break only has one eye, and that he has to hide it. He can feel the tears starting to slip out and realizes his hand is still on Break's face only when Break pulls away, taking his hand.

"Oh, dear. The crying has started. I think it's time to get you to bed, Gilbert. Tears and alcohol are never a good combination." Break stands up and attempts to take Gil with him, but Gil can't seem to find solid footing. The spinning doesn't help but they both manage to make it to their feet after a major effort, Gil leaning heavily against Break’s side. The night air has turned bitterly cold and Gil can't help but press himself into Break's warmth. He doesn't think he imagines Break's hand warm against the small of his back or his breath on Gil's ear as he says "Do try to be a bit quieter, Gilbert. We don't want to wake all of Pandora." Gil immediately trips and manages to knock over a potted plant as Break tuts and makes irritated sounds under his breath. "You could at least stop singing," Break says pointedly, and embarrassed Gil realizes that he's still humming the childhood song. It was one of Oz's favorites. The tears threaten to well up again and he blinks them away angrily.

As they approach his room Gil's heart starts to beat faster and his palms become clammy. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he hears himself blurt out, "I don't want to go back to sleep. Let's have another drink."

Break pauses and looks at him closely. "I'm beginning to think that after all of your talk about work tomorrow and responsibilities that you're actually trying to get out of it." Then he smiles like he’s thought of a wonderful idea and says, "That's fine. In that case we'll just go back to my room."

Gil immediately has second thoughts. Who knows what frightening things might lie in wait there. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. "Never mind," he says. "You're right. I should think about work. I've had enough." He hiccups loudly and Break laughs, taking his arm again.

"We both know what this is really about. Those nightmares of yours." Before Gil can protest Break is leading him down the corridor to the other side of Pandora where Break's room is. When they enter there is a table entirely laden with cakes and warm steaming tea and Gil wonders who prepared it and how they knew Break was coming back. Gil collapses into a chair and is about to down the rest of the alcohol in the flask when Break sneakily takes it out of his hand and replaces it with tea. Gil eyes it unhappily. He takes a tiny sip and then concentrates on staying awake. It's harder than he expected and before he knows it the room begins to blur. He fights it and instead concentrates on Break who is happily eating cake and sipping his tea. He catches Gil's eye.

"It's okay, you know. You're not alone here. You can sleep." Break smiles at him again and for the first time Gil doesn't find it creepy or slightly evil. His eyes begin to slip closed and he stops fighting it.

When he wakes the room is dark and he's no longer in the chair, but lying on the bed covered with a blanket. He glances around the room and sees Break asleep as well in the big armchair that has been pulled over next to the bed. Asleep he has none of the manic charm that he exhibits while awake. In fact he looks surprisingly vulnerable and innocent, like the weight of his years has been wiped away. Gil reaches out to touch Break's hand lightly and then lies back down on the bed reassured. There will be no more nightmares this night. And he will see his master again. He may not be sure of much else, but of those two things he is suddenly certain.


End file.
